Spousal Appreciation: Why It's The Best Thing Ever

Love's War
Sep 8, 2015
2 min read

Next to finances and sexual dysfunction, another reason people get divorced or end a relationship is because they feel undervalued. Recently I thanked my boyfriend of two years for picking up a food treat I REALLY like and he said, "You don't have to thank me, I've been your boyfriend for a while." Uh,......... yeah I actually do. Why? Because this nice thing is not something he HAS to do. He is doing it because he wants to. You thank people for doing things outside of obligation. A person isn't obligated to help out a neighbor during a snow storm. A girlfriend isn't obligated to pick up your favorite beer. And when an individual does what is not obligated, unlike parenting or work responsibilities, they SHOULD BE THANKED. Your partner, spouse, significant other or what have you, is CHOOSING you. Everyday they call you, interact with you, cry with you, or listen to you; they are actively choosing to be with you. And get this, they DON'T have to. Each of us has freedom and agency. We can act on it. And when someone enacts that agency and chooses you, it's a beautiful thing. You're being selected and you're doing the selecting and you both decided you want each other. How do you NOT thank someone you've selected to be part of your life doing nice things for you? Remember, they have to keep selecting you over all other options. Quite simply appreciation feels good. Show it and people generally reciprocate it. There may be some 'rules' on being a good spouse (communication, support, not blame gaming, etc), but I believe appreciation is incredibly important. Not only are you showing happy concern for a person that actively chooses you when they are under no obligation to do so, you also let them know that you see them. That they are not some appendage to your life, they're not your boss, your parents or your kids, they're your equal partner in crime. Appreciation feels great. You create a happy little cycle that just keeps on going. Who doesn't want that?