Simply Because Love Has Left, Doesn't Preclude It Coming Back (Part 3)

This title is already wrong, because love doesn't leave because you no longer have an individual 'showing' it to you. In a relationship, you're each other's mirror. The love you received, was your own love reflected back to you.

Read that last line carefully........If in your analysis, you found that love or what you believe to be genuine illustrations of love were not present in your relationship, then it also holds that there is a love of self, not yet expressed or felt. As the love you give, is reflected back. And the mistake many of us make is trying to 'receive' all of our expressed love from one person. When you help someone with a simple task without thought of receiving, you've committed an act of love. Now would you expect to see this love reflected back to you from your partner? Possibly. But where else could you receive this love? From the many different people you have in your life that you care for and that care for you.

Our paramour, our spouse is not there to 'make' us feel safe and secure in the knowledge that we are loveable. Per You Are Beautiful, you're loveable all on your own. What we struggle with after a break up and often times when we get into new relationships is failing to understand this, our intrinsic self worth. Not to be confused with entitlement to the comforts of a relationship because you have stuff; the booty, the bank account, the hair, the face, the house in the Hamptons, the winning personality, etc. But that the whole of you, values, ideas, passions, experiences, possessions are valuable. And its the matter of finding the individual who respects this whole you, not parts, pieces, but all of it. And also remembering that this same person who loves and accepts you for who you are is not always (in the course of everyday life) the same person who will make you feel loved. Not because they can't or because the relationship is unhealthy (those issues notwithstanding in some cases), but because that is an incredible ask: For one person to be responsible for you sustaining the self-image of loveability.

When we ask that, we ask for a lot. And sometimes our partners can deliver, for a while or even indefinitely, depending on whom you pick on your journey through life to travel with. But what can not be understated: How you see yourself, very much determines, how you are treated. The heartbreak is that many of us do not see our worth unless its wrapped up in our value to another, father to the family, ride-or-die girlfriend, Grey's Anatomy 'you're my person' levels of loyal friendship, the ace marketing executive, etc. Ideally these relationships are in the business of illustrating your worth to yourself, not creating its awareness.

So when a break up occurs, the person with whom you are parting, also your reflective love mirror, remember that their lack of presence is not love leaving your life, just one less mirror to reflect your self love back to you and you can find another mirror. But its important to respect the mirrorring process, because your next partner deserves your best, because your last did too, no matter how things ended, because you tried to give your best at the start anyway, right?

Big expectations, come with big risk and one of the biggest risks is letting someone into your heart. Cherish yours and others will cherish it too. You might even diminish risk, but what's even better is that you're willing to take the leap to begin with. Don't lose the ability to leap, sometimes love asks that of us and when we deliver, the rewards can overflow.