How to Get Over a Break Up.....Or Not …....and Still Stay Winning (Part 1)

Things to Remember About Breaking Up

Something to Take Note of #1:

There is NO 'getting over' a break up. You 'go through' a break up. This word play is not for show, there isn't a 'good' way to break up; whether you rebound, Ben & Jerry's weeks on end, key a car, or distract yourself silly. The reason why one or two techniques and other usual given advice isn't really better than the others is because break ups impact individuals differently.

Some feel incredible betrayal, some feel relief, some feel the sadness and loss of missed familiarity and companionship, and some don't have an immediate feeling, the life changing event just hasn't even sunk in yet.

So forget 'getting over' someone you spent time with, shared yourself with, and grew and bonded with.

Something to Take Note of #2:

Since you're not planning on getting over something here, not just trying to skip or hop past it, you can do the real work involved after a break up: finding yourself.

When people spend time together and share themselves, values, personality quirks, interests, passions, family history, and social experiences you create a vortex of bonding. It just is. When this vortex falls apart the debris of 'who you are' is strewn about and now you're in a salvage operation. Somethings should stay and somethings should go, material and behavioral. You're your own best council on that, despite being the individual who found (also known as got) themselves into such an inconvenient and painful spot. Your ability to choose a really bad situation is only matched by your ability to choose great, triumphant, life affirming situations.

Something to Take Note of #3:

Choose great, triumphant, life affirming situations. One of the best ways to do this after a break up is to: scream out, “I am sufficient for my own happiness,” because you are. To be clear, companionship is the bee's knees and we'd be silly not to pursue, healthy, compatible, loving, relationships, but the hardest thing to remember when you're in a relationship is that you are sufficient for your own happiness. Hence ideally when you enter a relationship, you and this person are bringing something to the table that benefits and compliments you both.

So about those triumphant, life affirming decisions. These are not always as big as moving, getting a new exciting job or another huge opportunity. It starts with the every day behaviors and decisions you make that impact your ongoing emotional and physical health. When you eat the yogurt and not the McGriddle, you've made progress. Trust this.

Something to Take Note of #4:

Now that you're eating yogurt and finding yourself you might want to: analyze what happened? NOT WHAT WRONG!!!!

So people have a thing about right and wrong, like they are absolutes. If you're in a break up, something or somethings happened to have the relationship dissolve. If you're up on your science, think about this process like trying to figuring our why sugar dissolves in water. To be sure, there's a reason(s), but it eludes you. It is your job for continued healthy emotional expression to yourself and others to understand the reasons things did not sync up to allow for a continued, ongoing, happy relationship.

Sometimes there are external factors, sometimes there are internal ones, and usually a nice mix of both. Understanding them can help you make decisions in the future that allow you to adapt to reasons you've encountered in the past because you've beat a certain learning curve, if you've spent some time analyzing. You might even make the same decision when presented with situations, that look just like the reasons your previous relationship dissolved. And guess what? It's not necessarily wrong or right, but what seems and feels right for you in the moment. But you can at least say, you went in with more information, experience, and wisdom. The rest is up to the universe, so they say.

Something to Take Note of #5:

Trust in yourself and the wonders of life to provide you with exactly what you need. This may seem hard to see, particularly if your break up is fresh. But if one thing holds pretty true it's that: love is limitless, everlasting, and powerful. Finding love for self, love for others, is a divine ride. The pain that can sometimes arise is because.........see rules one through four; bonding, losing yourself, attempting to make 'good' decisions, and analysis of yourself and decisions is a journey that cycles. And pain is a great catalyst, believe it or not, in recognizing what you are not giving yourself. When you give yourself what you need, you are more than capable of giving to others, not for approval, but for reciprocal generosity because they are also giving to you.

Keep your head up, your heart open, your mind quiet, and your soul free. Good things will happen.