Turning Sour Communication to Sweet

I find that communication is something to marvel at. It's a dance between our minds, hearts, and body's. It's a dance with a beautiful rhythm, but it can be hard to find, hence misunderstandings. Misunderstandings can occur anywhere, in the grocery store, at the office, in a relationship, or on the golf course. And these misunderstandings happen for lots reasons, but the main one being how difficult communication can be.

I find it useful to give a definition of communication: the transmission of an idea, perception, even an object from one sentient being to another, where there is a sense of commonality in the exchange. For example, someone might speak Spanish and another Albanian, but even these two under the right circumstances can communicate something as simple as the location of a bathroom or restaurant to one another. Even though there is a difference in their lingual communication pattern, they can still transmit something from one to the other. And this is an amazing thing. Communication is something to marvel at for its simplicity, its complexity and its diversity of form.

With communication being so wonderful, it can be frustrating at times to find its limits and to get past those limits to true understanding among one another. And yet we must try because the rewards are worth it. When we can tell someone something about ourselves or when we can show to someone an important thing regarding our personality or values and we felt understood, the moment can be very positive, emotionally charged, and connective in regards to relationships and maintaining healthy one's at that. Being understood feels good, simply put. And we use communication to be understood, whether it's a simple directive from supervisor to employee, to a heart felt admission of a personal passion. We use communication to connect and we often times expect to be understood, so when we're not it can be frustrating.

Additionally, it can be frustrating because people can also misread or misunderstand just how well someone else understands them, but fails to see it because it may be communicated in a way that the other person is unfamiliar with or uncomfortable with. And this can happen for many reasons as well, it could lingual as the above example, it could even be a difference in syntax within the same language, it could be one person is used to wider, broader and lengthier explanations and the other isn't, and literally a boat load of other reasons. But these numerous reasons should not put a wet blanket on wanting to engage in the dance of communication. These places of differences are learning opportunities, connective opportunities, building positive associations opportunities, and opportunities for personal growth.

In regards to relationships

In regards to personal romantic relationships, communication can be sweet or sour, depending on the circumstances. Of the circumstances that lead to sweet: open, honest, prepared to listen, not seeking to judge, but understand, and a lighter time in terms of personal challenges to the relationship. Of the circumstances that lead to sour: closed, dishonest, unprepared to listen, judgment, and a lack of trying to understand, and recent tensions that lead to difficulty in listening to each other. The thing is, these set of circumstances can switch on a dime in everyday life. One minute you're telling each other everything, the next you're choosing your words very carefully. And this can happen in a pattern over the course of the relationship, if it's long enough and that can to sour communication.

Additionally how we judge whether our communication is sour or sweet depends heavily upon the the reaction and response of our partner has to what we've communicated. A shouting match generally is judged as a rousing success in the sour communication department, with angry tense silence, being a close second. Or just feeling a sense of irresolution to the particular disagreement.

A sweet communication moment is brimming with goodness; you felt heard, understood and responded to in a way that meets your needs or wants. And frequently communication is complicated further by a difference in specific needs and wants and how each partner gets those needs and wants met. Plainly, we communicate to receive something from one another and this holds ever so true in a romantic partnership. Sometimes what we wish to receive is simply acknowledgment and sometimes a change or an action. When things tend towards sour communication results is sometimes because we don't know exactly what we want out of what we've said and the moment can feel unsatisfactory because we were unsure of what we wanted from that communicative moment in the first place. Additionally sweet or successful communication's bedrock is finding common ground with which to start from or at least get to by conversation's end.

Knowing what you want out of a conversation is paramount to having a conversation that has good results, but the dance of communication requires patience, because we frequently don't know what we want until we've had a conversation. In this space of not knowing precisely what we're looking for we grapple with our words to find the right way or best way to say what we wish to get off our chests. This patience means hearing and listening to our partners when they're communication wits may be off and this is where we create a bridge between sour and sweet communication. Having patience for the dance of communication, while one or both partners are attempting the find the words to fully express an important point is where sour turns to sweet. In that patient space, it becomes a little easier to hear the things that don't raise our heckles and tune up our empathy compassion for another's point of view. When we get to the above, good communication blossoms and words that were weapons turn to healing and soothing balms, where needs can get met because what?, we've been understood. This is communication, it isn't easy, but it's worth it to receive the bounty of your partners affection, trust, and affirmation that they continue to be for you and stand by your side.