When Do Girls Grow Up?: I Mean Really, Do You Know?

When do girls grow up? I mean really, do you know? I'm straight up serious about this question, when exactly are girls done 'growing' and are now women? I ask this question not from a biological stance, but from an emotional stance and from society's convergence on a young girl's psyche. In most cultures we are raised and reared to honor parents, educate ourselves enough, marry, and breed. Maybe a career might be in the works for you, but otherwise those are your pickings. And to connect this to the idea of when girls grow and 'become women' is that, if females follow the script which we've done for thousands of years, when exactly did we 'become women'? Because simply being able to have a baby is about reproduction of species, not about an emotional, individual, and sociological phenomena. We're biologically 'women' anywhere between the ages of 10-21, in terms of cycles.

Men on the other hand have very clear sociological laws about when they've reached being a 'man' and not a boy. Those are: have sex, take care of a women and baby(s). Relationship-wise they're given instructions, guidance, and advice to make these two things happen by (1) getting an occupation (2) remaining dominant, but have some flexibility (3) and don't forget you're a man, by rights, you're king in whatever you 'possess'. Done. Nuance and gender/sexuality/relationship/cultural articles aside, this is the basic summation in short form of what men have also done for thousands of years.

Now to get back to the question of when do girls grow up? Men's rules are easily defined, women's are not because past our ability to help replicate the species, what 'makes' us women? Is it multi-tasking the demands of life? Is it learning to control our emotions to the point of being able to hide them as well as men? What exactly constitutes womanhood? I would like to say, like many others have done before me is that; it is when a biologically mature female feels like she owns herself and is able to go through the process of autonomous living without feeling shame for the choices she's made in her life.

Sadly, I'm not sure there's a total woman, among us all, including myself, a female. Because while I have in my own life and have know many others who are able to do this in times of emotional necessity, necessity shouldn't be the catalyst for what often times ends as a moment or a minuet in time. Could any of us females say, we're the above statement bolded statement, 24/7/365. I'm sure as hell not. And unfortunately for so many females, womanhood, in completion, happens so late in life, they ache with the regret of not having grown themselves into womanhood sooner. And what I'm really trying to say is that, men infantilize females and all too often we let them.

And how we let them is by slut shaming our girl children. From an early age, virginity is a young female's pinnacle achievement, irrespective of anything else she has accomplished in her life. Our pinnacle of respect from men is not having opened our legs. And like a story; rising action, conflict, falling action, conclusion, it goes all down hill unless a female 'turns' into a woman by recognizing that she has to define womanhood solely on her own terms, even irrespective of other women, because we too will infantilize each other by telling each other what our 'life duties' are.

Any individual's life duties are like snowflakes, no two are alike. Your life duties, show up as opportunities to define yourself and remove the burden of guilt and shame for not having lived up to the expectations of others, when even though we say, 'no bodies' perfect, we sure as hell hope whoever we attach ourselves to is 'perfect enough' for us. And that's okay, but periodically check those expectations, only then can 'men be men' and 'women be women', fully, wholly, and healthfully to the mutual benefit of many.